Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy New Year!

I am cuddled up on the couch, with my laptop, an episode of CSI, my partner, and 2 cats at 8:30 on New Years Eve. I am so happy and relaxed and grateful to feeling comfortable in my own skin, relaxed on this New Years Eve. We went to a lovely resturant and came straight home with the snow falling and cars starting to slide, we both just wanted to be home.

Expectations are so different today than in the past. I am just happy to be alive right now and I don't ever remember feeling that way. I was always searching for something to get me to that place of happieness, but I had no idea what being happy was. Man oh Man the thousands of dollars wasted in therapy because I didn't know what the heck was wrong with me.

I don't have to live that way anymore, and I live in today. How very nice.

2007 had a lot of ups and downs. I bought a business which travels to AA confrences, work my current job, moved in with my partner, continue to raise a teenager, am very active in AA locally, started volunteering in the jails, made new friends, lost others, studied the big book, took on a new sponsee, got new sponsors, started a new meeting, laughed a lot, cried more than I have cried ever, lost my cat of 15 year, who I still miss dearly, got a new kitten, a new MINI van - yes, I said MINI van, for the business, said I love you to my mother and father, made amends to people who i never thought I would see again, held babies, went to funerals, had knee surgery, and I am sure I could keep on writing more and more and more.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I just know, today was beautiful and my higher power took care of it.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Living Sober

Last night we went to see Cirque de Soleil Jungle Dreams. WOW - it was amazing. The last time I saw Cirque was about 4 years ago in Las Vegas. I was still drinking and I was a wreck. I couldn't wait for it to be over, I couldn't enjoy my time there, I was pre-occupied the entire time. I don't remember much of it at all, and I certainly can't remember what the show was.

Last night I remember all of it. Every color, every sound, the music and smile on my partner's face and most of all, how it felt to be absolutely amazed! The time just flew by. I didn't want it to end.

What a difference living a sober life can be.
A small voice in my head told me remember - they told you it just gets better and better. All of those AA's who came before me, reminded me this when I first came around. I never understood how, and I certainly didn't believe them. Thank God it does get better and better. And thank God for AA

Monday, December 24, 2007

Christmas #2 Sober

Christmas #2 sober. I didn't think that was possible. When I came into the rooms of AA, I was broken, full of anger, hurt and empty inside and out.
I never thought I would enjoy the holiday season let alone be willing to share it with anyone.

Last year I was full of fear, fear of picking up, fear of not being able to handle the holiday, fear i woul go back out. even though I had worked the steps and I had 110% given my life to the care of my higher power - my lack of faith came out in fear.

This year, is different in that I do not have the lack of faith. I have all my character defects coming out sideways. how grateful, that I get an blessing and an opportunity to ask my higherpower remove my defects of character so i can be connected.

I have a sponsee who I haven't heard from in 48 hours. for the last 4 months I have heard from her every single day. I pray for her care and protection.

I am fortunate to be sober, I am blessed, I am serene.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Corrections

Just got to the office after spending my a.m. at the Sat a.m. AA meeting at the jail. What an amazing meeting. I come away from those meetings with such gratitude. Listening to these women from every walk of life fight this disease, absolutely blows me away. My higher power show me exactly what I need to see so long as I continue to stay teachable.



Today's meeting was small, in comparrison to other meetings at the jail. Only 6 women out of 20 elected to come to the room. Talked about resentments.... and 4th steps... I was reminded of my first 4th step and my 110% willingness to do it when I heard the fear from the room about 4th steps. Thank God, the willingness was there for me. I am grateful and blessed.



Holiday party tonight with my Monday night AA mtg group. A bunch of young guys staying sober and my partner and I are 3 of th 4 women who attend the meeting. I love listening to these guys. Such hope and stregnth. Not to mention - complete dorky boys loving life! I love them all.

Until tomorrow.

Love and peace

Friday, December 21, 2007

Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny

I wanted to start a blog about my life as it appears to me today. Perception is by enlarge a huge part of my sobriety. My perception reminds me that I need a power greater than myself, that I am not that higher power and that when I start to perceive that I am - I become miserable! Go figure. Lucky for me I have a great group of people who continue to carry the messsage of AA so I can keep that perception of where I am today in check.

I'm not a great writer and I certainly have no earthly idea as to why I would start a blog about my trudging the road of happy destiny, othere than God gave me the gift of sobriety and what I do with it is my gift to God.

Peace!